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Cat's in the Cradle is a song written by Harry Chapin in 1974 about a father who doesn't really connect with his son. The lyrics were actually written by his wife, Sandy, as a poem about her first husband's relationship with his father. I find that this song relates to many dads today. You can check out the lyrics below:
Cat’s in the Cradle Lyrics
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you”
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when”
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then
Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and they said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then
You can listen to “Cat’s in the Cradle” by clicking here!
It’s a reminder to us as fathers, moms and parents that we need to be intentional with the time spent with our children. We need to take the time to listen and interact with them. When we do, it can give our child a sense of love, support, security and lets them know that HE or SHE matters.
I’d like to share a father and a son story and how they viewed their time together quite differently. Read below:
Father/Son Fishing Story
In the faint light of the attic, an old man, tall and stooped, bent his great frame and made his way to a stack of boxes that sat near one of the little half-windows. Brushing aside a wisp of cobwebs, he tilted the top box toward the light and began to carefully lift out one old photograph album after another. Eyes once bright but now dim searched longingly for the source that had drawn him here.
It began with the fond recollection of the love of his life, long gone, and somewhere in these albums was a photo of her he hoped to rediscover. Silent as a mouse, he patiently opened the long buried treasures and soon was lost in a sea of memories. Although his world had not stopped spinning when his wife left it, the past was more alive in his heart than his present aloneness.
Setting aside one of the dusty albums, he pulled from the box what appeared to be a journal from his grown son's childhood. He could not recall ever having seen it before, or that his son had ever kept a journal. Why did Elizabeth always save the children's old junk? he wondered, shaking his white head.
Opening the yellowed pages, he glanced over a short reading, and his lips curved in an unconscious smile. Even his eyes brightened as he read the words that spoke clear and sweet to his soul. It was the voice of the little boy who had grown up far too fast in this very house, and whose voice had grown fainter and fainter over the years. In the utter silence of the attic, the words of a guileless six-year-old worked their magic and carried the old man back to a time almost totally forgotten.
Entry after entry stirred a sentimental hunger in his heart like the longing a gardener feels in the winter for the fragrance of spring flowers. But it was accompanied by the painful memory that his son's simple recollections of those days were far different from his own. But how different?
Reminded that he had kept a daily journal of his business activities over the years, he closed his son's journal and turned to leave, having forgotten the cherished photo that originally triggered his search. Hunched over to keep from bumping his head on the rafters, the old man stepped to the wooden stairway and made his descent, then headed down a carpeted stairway that led to the den.
Opening a glass cabinet door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. Turning, he sat down at his desk and placed the two journals beside each other. His was leather-bound and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while his son's was tattered and the name "Jimmy" had been nearly scuffed from its surface. He ran a long skinny finger over the letters, as though he could restore what had been worn way with time and use.
As he opened his journal, the old man's eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out because it was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat handwriting were these words:
‘Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn't catch a thing.'
With a deep sigh and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy's journal and found the boy's entry for the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters, pressed deeply into the paper, read:
‘Went fishing with my dad. Best day of my life.’
Children Spell Love - TIME!
As you can see from this story and the song, “Cat’s in the Cradle”, children spell ‘Love’ - T.I.M.E! In this fast paced world that we live in, we - as parents, must be intentional about taking the time to spend with our children.
When we do, our children feel loved, cherished, safe and they feel secure. It lets them know that we care about them and it is proven to be a benefit to their self-esteem, growth, well-being and development. The time that we spend with our children may seem like a waste of time or maybe even insignificant but God can use that time to bless them and us.
Stats on Fatherlessness in US
Listen to these stats from the US Census Bureau on the negative effects of Fatherlessness from US Dept. of Health & Human Services.
*About 50% of all children in US end up fatherless
It’s 80-90% Urban areas
Children from homes where the dad is absent are. . .
*5 times more likely to commit suicide.
*7 times more likely to get pregnant.
*15 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
*or end up in prison as a teen.
*24 times more likely to run away from home.
*AND 73 times more likely to end up killed.1.
Actively Involved Fathers Stats
BUT, listen to these stats on the “Positive Power of Actively Involved Fathers.”
*Preschoolers with actively involved fathers have stronger verbal skills.
*Children with actively involved fathers display less behavior problems in school.
*Girls with strong relationships with their fathers do better in math.
*Boys with actively involved fathers tend to get better grades and perform better on achievement tests.
*A fathers’ involvement encourages children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.
*Highly involved fathers contribute to increased mental dexterity in children, increased empathy, less stereotyped sex role beliefs and greater self-control.
Power of Father on Children & Church
Look at these stats from a survey released by the Baptist Press on “The power of the father on his children attending church”:
*If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.
*BUT, If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow.
Tips for Spending Quality Time with Child
In her article, “Tips for Spending Quality Time with Your Child”, Jessica Alvarado says that as parents, we can make choices to ensure time spent with our children is high-quality. She has 9 tips for busy families:
Have a daily “connect” time with your child. Do this face-to-face, if possible; but if this isn’t an option, create a routine for doing so in other ways, such as leaving a note in your child’s lunch bag, posting a note by their toothbrush, or writing an encouraging quote on a shared whiteboard in the house.
2. Create a special ritual for you and your child—something
that can be done every day. For example, let your child
choose and read one book with you at bedtime.
3. Tell your child you love them every day. And tell them how
important they are to you and how they makes you feel.
4. Reinforce positive behavior. For example, if your child
completes their chores without your asking, acknowledge it
with words of appreciation—even if you don’t have the
chance do so until the next day.
5. Make and eat meals with your children whenever possible.
If time is limited, look for simple meals that require very little
preparation, or grab a healthy snack such as an apple and sit
for a few minutes and chat with your child.
6. Schedule time for doing an activity of your child’s
choosing. Be sure to follow through and complete the activity
without any distractions.
7. Play with your child, even if it’s during bath time or outside
before you drop them off at preschool. Every little bit of time
makes a positive impact!
8. Laugh and be silly with your child.
9. Turn off technology when you spend time with your child. Try
not to text, answer calls, scroll through social media, or watch
television.
Alvarado says that meaningful connections are about ‘quality of time’, not ‘quantity of time’. She says to keep it simple and connect with your child in ways that make sense for your lifestyle and relationship. Each connection has a lasting impact and provides the support and reassurance that your child needs.
Randy’s Tips for Quality Time
Here are some examples of ways that I tried to connect with my 3 daughters while they were growing up.
*We had a special Secret Badge Hand Shake. I remember my mom had a special hand shake with me and my siblings growing up, So, I made one up for my girls. They loved it.
*We had a Secret Hand Squeeze. When I would squeeze their hands 4 times, it was a secret message for 4 words that said “Do You Love Me”. They were to squeeze my had 3 times that said “Yes I do”. Then I’d squeeze 2 times which how “How much?” They would respond back with 1 “Big super squeeze” which meant a lot. They usually would grab with 2 hands and squeeze as hard as they could. Then we would reverse roles. They would squeeze my hand 4 times and so on.
*The girls loved Playing Spook in the basement. I made this game up. I would put a big blanket over them and would give them a flashlight. They would sit on the edges of the blanket and I would turn out the lights. I would quietly work my way around the blanket and slowly try to find a crevice to sneak my hand through and grab their leg. If they felt my hand coming through, they would plug the crevice so I had to sneak and find another path. They absolutely loved it.
*When the girls were really little, I’d get on the floor and would stack cups, blocks, any toy that they had. I’d stack them up and they loved knocking them down. I’d stack them back up and they would knock them down. I know it seems like a waste of time, but anytime that you spend with your child builds love, safety and security into their lives.
*At bedtime, I’d read them a book and the say our Bedtime Prayers before turning out the light. Right before bed is a great time to get your kids to open up to you about their day. This is especially important the older they get. Eventually, they won’t need you to read or say their prayers so take advantage of this time for as long as you can.
*We owned a pool and we would have ‘Midnight Swims’ with our girls and their friends. They really weren’t at midnight but usually at dusk. The water and activity had a great relaxing affect before going to bed.
*Families eating meals together provides an opportunity for family members to come together, strengthening ties and building better family relationships. They build a sense of belonging which leads to a stronger self-esteem.
*I loved having them sit on my lap to read to them. I’d find a series that they enjoyed reading and would look forward to that time of snuggling up in a chair and being physically close to each other and enjoying a book together. My middle daughter enjoyed ‘The Cooper Kid Series’ by Frank Peretti. My other daughters loved the ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ by C.S. Lewis. We’d read ‘The Box Car Children’ by Gertrude Chandler Warner and other classic children literature.
Benefits of Reading to your Child
Research shows that regular reading with your child can be beneficial in a number ways, such as. . .
*improved brain connectivity.
*increased vocabulary and comprehension.
*empowering your child to empathize with other people.
*aiding in sleep readiness.
*reduced stress.
*lowered blood pressure and heart rate.
*fighting depression.
*preventing cognitive decline as you age.
*A number of other things we tried to do as a family to build relationships were bon fires, Easter egg hunts, camping excursions, Christmas and Thanksgiving traditions and much more.
Remember to keep things simple, be consistent and try to connect with your child in ways that make sense for you and your family.
Leaving a Spiritual Legacy?
Steven J. Lawson once said ’“Every man leaves a lasting influence that will affect future generations for centuries to come. Not all legacies are the same. What kind of legacy will you leave behind? A spiritual legacy is one that money can’t buy and taxes can’t take away. A spiritual legacy is passing down to the next generation what matters most.”
In Conclusion:
In conclusion, to Leave a Lasting Legacy, think about the impact of your life on future generations through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Start by focusing on your vertical relationship with Jesus. Then let His influence on your life Impact and Transform your horizontal relationships with your spouse, your children, your friends and your coworkers. Begin today by putting a stake in the ground to live a life worthy of Christ that will leave a lasting legacy for you and your family.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?"
Instead of saying “I don’t know when”, let’s say. . .
“I’ll be home soon”
And we'll get together then, son.
We're gonna have some good quality time then!
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